Angel / Demon

You know in the cartoons where a character will see an imaginary angel on one side (usually the left!) and the demon on the other, trying to put forth their idea; one to do good, one evil. That's what I feel like right now... I might first add that yes, I am stoned.

Once I was very devout about my faith and showed it visually and physically in the church. I used to wear an alternative industrial-goth fashion with a cross tie and large chunky crucifixes. I was very proud, and showed it. Then things started going down hill... after making a certain phone-call, my parents kicked me out of home - where I was only living "temporarily" in the rumpus-room - for three months - so I lived on the street for about two-weeks before moving into Quamby House, the mens shelter run by St. Vincent de Paul.

Soon I started smoking dope again with the boys, ended up being kicked out because I was caught with a bong up my shirt... I went to a psych ward, then back to Quamby House for a few months - until I was caught smoking dope again. They did a room search and found dope, a bong, pipe and used needles. Oops. So out I went again to emergency accomodation, then back to Quamby a month or so later. I didn't last long that last time, as Housing offered me this flat I'm in now, so I said bye bye to Quamby and moved in here!

At the start of the year, while I was still at Quamby, I was also using Buprenorphine via I.V, and it grew into a bigger habit where I now I.V my meds. I have lost all care for anything or anyone except drugs - dope, morphine, alcohol...

Then there's the angel...

I am still a believer in God... however perhaps I got too far on the "God Loves You" band-wagon and that's how I have ended up not praying or reading or doing anything Catholic. Perhaps what I need is some more discipline and fear-factor of things... get me along to Mass, involved in the youth group and off drugs!