Examination of Self

First Holy Communion and Confirmation: David, Fr. Joe Taylor, Catherine (sister). 19th November 2005.

I’ve been starting to do a new thing when I pray. Examining my inner self and life, thinking of all the things I am thankful for – talents, situational things, even small things such as having a good day – and thanking God for them. Many people wonder why God doesn’t “listen” to them and answer their prayers… what I like to call “seasonal prayers”, the type who only pray when they want something, be it selfish greed or someone’s health.

It is all quite logical when you think about it. Why would God answer your prayer of, say, helping you get a job, when you only talk to Him when you want or need something? Not praying simply to say, “thanks”. If someone in your life always asks you for something, never returning the favour or even thanking you for giving you the help you require, after time they will simply stop listening. Like I said, it is just logical.

Hence why I have started this new technique with my praying, of examining my life and jotting the things that I am thankful for in a notepad. Things such as my artistic talent with the pencil or the pen, even the small things in life that I am grateful for, such as having a good day rather than a bad or mediocre one.

Saturday night when I was sitting in church, before mass, I was deep in thought and another thing sprang to mind that I am thankful to God for. My parents. I honestly could not ask for better parents, they are very loving, caring and supportive, even when at times I don’t deserve it.

Many people would be estranged from their parents if they had treated them the way I’ve treated mine in the past, but mine are still there for me, still unconditional love. Sure there have been the occasions where they have had to be cruel to be kind, doing things that at the time angered me, but in the end I reflect on and realise they couldn’t do anything else.

I am particularly thankful for my parents having bought us up with a strong sense of faith. We went to mass of a Sunday every week, all six of us kids with my parents taking up a whole pew in Sacred Heart Church. As a child, sure, I didn’t enjoy it. I sometimes wished that my parents were more like other peoples parents where they would only go to mass on special occasions such as Christmas, Easter and other celebrations such as weddings. Why did I have to land parents who insisted on taking us to church basically every Sunday without fail? Though we went to Catholic primary and secondary schools, I always felt somewhat different to my peers because of the fact we went to mass each Sunday.

Now as I reflect on these things in my adult life, I couldn’t be more thankful for them doing this! Brining us up with a strong sense of faith. We would say grace before meals without fail – no one was to start eating until this was done – and come the special time of year, such as Christmas and Easter, we had the whole religious side of things involved also, not just the chocolate and presents.

Had my parents been like that of many of my peers, I would not be where I am right now. When I returned back to God, deeply wanting more, wanting to go to mass, I would have arrived and been dumb-struck, not knowing what to say in reply during the mass, even knowing prayers that I take for granted – Our Father, Hail Mary, Doxology amongst some.

I would have arrived to the church and felt extremely uncomfortable, not knowing what was going on, and thus feel alienated, perhaps not returning again time and time again.

However, because of this rich religious upbringing that I had, when I returned to the church, it all just came back to me naturally. Like riding a bicycle – it had been years since I’d attended a mass service, but I couldn’t forget how things went or what was going on in the celebration.

Being a Catholic too, it is much more than a Sunday event, it is a way of life, a whole upbringing. Many people would know certain things of these, such as the whole “Catholic guilt and shame” that many people feel, something that I find unique to Catholicism, something that isn’t as dominant in other denominations.

Being a Catholic, to me, is much more than belonging to a certain sect of Christianity – it is a way of life, a culture, a heritage. And to have parents who bought me up with all these practices, I am extremely thankful to God for.