I am slowly but surely losing it. My brain. Perhaps it is the company that I keep? Not exactly who I call "friends" but just junkie acquaintances who drag me down. Yesterday I made a pretty hard decision to dob someone else in for a crime. I'm now a witness and expected to go to court for it. Pretty shitty since this type of person only thinks about the end result - getting off his chops - as opposed to the people who suffer because he breaks into their homes. How did this all come about? Well I was walking with him yesterday, with a couple of socket-sets that he said were a gift from his grandparents. Anyways, the cops drove past, and because it was this wanker, they did a block and came back to talk to us, see what was in our bags etc;. I said they were mine as I figured they would just pick on him for not carrying a receipt with him - who does - but that didn't turn out well for me. Once back at the police station, I told them the whole story. Told them they weren't mine etc; and they bought the story... they did see him carrying the bag, knows him, not to mention I don't have pretty shit like that on my record. They asked if I was willing to give a statement, telling me how it could be bad for me etc;. But screw it - I did it.
My house has been ripped off twice within six-months and it's not a nice feeling. ESPECIALLY when you don't exactly have a disposable income. So I get money and buy worthwhile things with it - that's my prerogative. Just because some junky who has no interest in doing anything with their lives (other than drugs) they see fit to break into someones house so they can sell things to get off-chops. How is that fair? So screw the bastard - he's going down. I mean he is on parole, the senior-constable who took my statement told me that he will get locked up for it. He also told me that the guy will eventually click who told on him and I could tell him what I wanted, or I could make up something like the sen-constable was threatening me etc;. He said he can handle that.
Anyways, my point is, sure I wouldn't go to gaol for it because I don't have priors. He will though. But why should I take the fall because he's not man enough to take it himself? If he isn't prepared to go back "inside" then he should think about it more before doing it. In all, he needs to take responsibility for his own actions, not letting me go down for it! Fuck that.
Someone else he was with was taken to the station a few hours before me. This guy wouldn't have said anything. It would make him a "dog". So while technically in "prison-speak" I might be a "dog", I really don't give a damn! I have a much better life than to have to stoop to petty theft, chasing a high constantly and being content with ending up with "prison life". These are bogan feral sad-baskets who have "crime" written all over them - their body, their family name, it is bred into them. I'm of a more upstanding part of community who believes in DOING SOMETHING WITH LIFE!!! Working... studying... something. At the very least, HONESTLY earning what we earn.
While I am not the perfect picture of a Catholic boy, I am not a bad person. Sure I have had my own run--ins with the law, but that was just things like "drunk and disorderly", also you need to look at it in the context. I was going through trauma - still and constantly am - that alcohol became a "way out" for me, sometimes ending me in a little trouble. Still, it's not like I have ever assaulted anyone, robbed them or any other heinous crime.
I need strength at the moment. Since yesterday, everytime someone knocks on my door, I won't answer it for fear it may be this wanker coming to have a go at me. When, if, that happens, a simply phone call to the police will do the trick. Part of his bail conditions - IF he happened to get bail (he won't though) will be to keep away from me. Plus the police have offered me protection - just a call to the local command or triple-zero will do the trick. Still, it is not nice when you live in fear of people so much so that you won't answer the door. For all I know it is someone else. The police even (thought if it were them they generally announce who it is as they knock).
I haven't been to church very much this Easter Season or this year altogether. I have lapsed with my Bible reading plan. I haven't prayed in God-know's how long. Yet I still wonder at times why my life is getting so shitty at the moment. Why I think so much of all my problems and traumas. Why? Well that's a no-brainer - maybe I need to do some of these things. Perhaps going to mass tomorrow morning is a good start.
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