Eight-months on... I DID IT!

That's right - eight-months - the last time I went to Confession (also known as Reconciliation), but who-knows how long since I went and actually confessed my BIG sins as opposed to just the small ones? In the past I have only confessed little things - nothing big - because I am always too scared to, knowing that the priest will know what I have done et-cetera. All good if I were to go to another church, which I have thought of doing on several occasions. Stupid really because when the priest wears his Stole, he is no longer his own person, but an intermediary between the me and God!

The last couple of days I have been thinking I really want to go to confession... I mean, I am going to be doing A LOT of changes this year with my resolutions, but, what is the point of it all when I still carry the excess-baggage of my sins?

So early-afternoon on Monday, I heard the Holy Spirit say to me to go to confession (which is at 4:45 - 5:45, followed by the vigil mass). The Holy Spirit guided my way, reassuring me that it won't be nearly as bad as I always think it to be. He then guided my pen to paper and write down the main sins so I could talk about them easier, then off I went over the road to my church - Sacred Heart.


As I walked in the side door, I saw Fr. Flannagan talking to a small group of people - all well dressed, including Father in his regalia. I stood at the entrance for a short time just flicking through some of the different literature that was there. They finally left - one lady saying she though I must have been here for the wedding but had the wrong time - and Fr. Flannagan went into the Sacristy, not noticing that I was in the dark corner by one of the non-main entrances.

When he had finished dressing back into his civilians, I caught him as he was presumably getting things ready for the 6pm mass. I asked if Confession was on tonight to which he said yes, going back to the Sacristy to get his Stole. When he came back out, he noticed there were no other people there, so we just had Confession in the front pew of the Church.'

I went through my list of sins: Indulging in drugs, including intravenous, having sex - with other men, stealing from my parents, including breaking into their house on numerous occasions (NOTE: This was back when I was really really bad, I had just never confessed it!). Finally, laziness in going to mass. He knows I live just over the road, knows that I don't have a job that would stop me going etc; and seriously, how hard is it to walk across the room, sacrificing one-hour of my life when Jesus sacrificed HIS LIFE for ME!!!

Father Flannagan prayed over me, all the other things that come with Confession as you Catholic's would know, and I was on my way with a penance of praying the Rosary once (not one decade but all five).

As soon as I left that church, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders - metaphorically and physically! My back wasn't hurting as much as it had been for one... but I also felt a sense of peace, of belonging, of being able to now do certain things in the parish if I so desire or if God guides me to it, without feeling like a hypocrite!

I hope I will never have to confess those sins ever again... it's wrong. Stealing is wrong. Stealing from your parents, even worse. Breaking into their house - that's uber wrong!

Homosexual-sex is wrong, and I have no desire to do it again. Whether one day I wish to go to one of those camps where they "de-gay" you is another question, but I will be quite happy living life on my own.

Drugs are wrong. As Marilyn Manson's song goes, "I don't like the drugs (but the drugs like me)" is quite appropriate for this.

Throughout the entire confession, Fr. Flannagan was quite understanding and had great things to say. There was none of the judgment that so many people think happens, or that some have encountered before on their first confession, thus thinking the Sacrament is flawed!

So, God - BRING IT ON!!! This time next year I will be a totally different person with Your help, grace and love!